Gourmet Canine Gifts

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

Dog Chow Mein

'Those tid-bits you left for Ming Toy were delicious, Mrs. Caldwell!'

"She's eating in tonight."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"I need some assistance here."

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

"They say I'm spoiled, whatever that means."

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"Oh, come on, Honey, he's a dog...he's not gonna notice that we gave him cheaper dog food!"

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

"Amusing bouquet, without being hilarious."

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

Water. Food. Garnish.

"First rules of chef school: no serving table scraps, and if food falls on the floor, leave it."

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

'The cat is finicky and he likes this flavor.'

'Hey - these things are pretty good!'

"I'm so tired of eating meals from a can...I could spit!"