Gourmet Canine Gifts

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

Dog Chow Mein

"She's eating in tonight."

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'Those tid-bits you left for Ming Toy were delicious, Mrs. Caldwell!'

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"I need some assistance here."

"They say I'm spoiled, whatever that means."

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

"Oh, come on, Honey, he's a dog...he's not gonna notice that we gave him cheaper dog food!"

"Amusing bouquet, without being hilarious."

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

"First rules of chef school: no serving table scraps, and if food falls on the floor, leave it."

'The cat is finicky and he likes this flavor.'

'Hey - these things are pretty good!'

'No more premium chow? She's not infactuated with me anymore!'