Doggie Gourmet Gifts

'Hey - these things are pretty good!'

"Amusing bouquet, without being hilarious."

Dog Chow Mein

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Dog Food

"Can I have a doggie bag to go?"

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Four Star Meal

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

'Those tid-bits you left for Ming Toy were delicious, Mrs. Caldwell!'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

He didn't even remember signing up for the taste test.

Reality Show Host

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"They say I'm spoiled, whatever that means."

"Where do you draw the line?"

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

"Oh, come on, Honey, he's a dog...he's not gonna notice that we gave him cheaper dog food!"

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

'This is is a Merlot...I didstinctly asked for a Cabernet Sauvignon! '

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

"Dog food again! How about a pup tart instead?"

'The cat is finicky and he likes this flavor.'

"I'm so tired of eating meals from a can...I could spit!"

'Eugh. This is awful. I'm not the hugest fan of licorice, but this one I found on the sidewalk is disgusting.'

"I didn't say he was a Scottie. I said he was a Scootie."

'I think you're eating my pup tarts.'