Animal Gourmet Gifts

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

"Obviously, sir, it's a very discerning, vegetarian fly."

Dog Chow Mein

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

Four Star Meal

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

"She's eating in tonight."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'We'd like something new and improved for dinner.'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"The slow approach, the suspicious sniff, the final turning away...nobody does finicky like Precious."

Veggie Hamburgers & Hotdogs. . .Ingredients: vegetables & vegetable byproducts.

'Anybody bring some catsup?'

"Where do you draw the line?"

"Amusing bouquet, without being hilarious."

'I hope your 'kittycat gourmet delight' tastes better than my 'doggy sirloin supreme!''

Water. Food. Garnish.

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

"Cat Yummies again?"

'The cat is finicky and he likes this flavor.'