Gourmet Pet Owner Gifts

Water. Food. Garnish.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"She's eating in tonight."

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

'I hope your 'kittycat gourmet delight' tastes better than my 'doggy sirloin supreme!''

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

'Look at this: We get the gourmet tins while Rex gets the generic dog food...'

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

'The cat is finicky and he likes this flavor.'

'A good day! Two letters for me and a sample of 'Seafood Gourmet Delight' for you.'

"She's very fussy about her food!"

"I'm so tired of eating meals from a can...I could spit!"

'No more premium chow? She's not infactuated with me anymore!'

'Eugh. This is awful. I'm not the hugest fan of licorice, but this one I found on the sidewalk is disgusting.'

"Liverwurst?! Okay, let's try it again, speaking slowly this time. 'Fois. . . gras'."