Gourmet Pet Chef Gifts

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

"We need to put in more bones."

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

Recipes.

'Those tid-bits you left for Ming Toy were delicious, Mrs. Caldwell!'

"She's eating in tonight."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"As a dog he's incredible. As a chef he's just okay."

"What smells so good? -- I'm not cooking for you, but for my dog."

'See, it's very good cat food!'

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

"I need some assistance here."

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

'Feeding dog food to dogs is NOT ethnic stereotyping!'

'Patience. Gentle mixing awakens the delicate flavors and presents far more agreeably than straight-out-of-the-can.'