Gourmet Dog Parent Gifts

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Dog Chow Mein

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'Those tid-bits you left for Ming Toy were delicious, Mrs. Caldwell!'

"She's eating in tonight."

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

'Yuck Mum, this wood is way too dry!'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"They say I'm spoiled, whatever that means."

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

"Amusing bouquet, without being hilarious."

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

"She's very fussy about her food!"

'Hey - these things are pretty good!'

The food is just scooped into my dish...no thought to food presentation.

'No more premium chow? She's not infactuated with me anymore!'

'Eugh. This is awful. I'm not the hugest fan of licorice, but this one I found on the sidewalk is disgusting.'