Gourmet Dog Lover Gifts

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

'Jingling your change won't get us a better table.'

Dog Chow Mein

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

'Rover is sulking because he helped bag the goose and all he gets for dinner is dog food.'

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

Kitchen - Sign reads 'Out of Hors D'Oeuvres.'

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'You order the jumbo combo?'

"What do you recommend that's fit for a king?"

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

"Right now I'm enjoying that brief period between having just lost weight and putting it back on."

"Expensive coffee is a cheap vacation."

"Pipe sludge or overpriced sparkling?"

'Wow! This meal if fit for a king.'

'With respect, sir, we are a slow food restaurant.'

'It's just hot dogs. What does the health department care about hot dogs?'