Forest Gourmet Gifts

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

Stuffing the turkey.

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

"Pie chart"

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"Uh, yeah, that looks a little too organic."

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

Four Star Meal

"I certainly hope you're composting the leftovers."

'Are you sure you washed this salad?'

"So here we are...the great outdoors!"

'Mom always told us to eat the greens!'

Listen, I'll put chocolate chips in your flapjacks, too, but I ain't makin' smiley faces with 'em.

"Love your new tattoo."

Cull people who think, because it's organic, they can sell produce that's past its best.