Frontier Gourmet Gifts

Cooking Cowboy

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

To do before Saturday...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Too much cilantro

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Holiday Supplies

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Is this still America?'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Cheese

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"The bagels are better in New York."

'Cooking'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."