Gourmet Gone Wild Gifts

'Well that's just great. As if this stuff didn't already suck enough.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Holiday Supplies

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

Platter confusion.

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'How was the squid?'

The first law of barbecuing. Your tongs will never be long enough.

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Decaying corpse

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."