Gourmet Gone Rogue Gifts

"This is how it works. If you burn the fish it's "blackened cajun delight". And if you can't be stuffed cooking it, it's called Sashimi!"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'That's funny... I could have sworn I saw the chef put him on the platter.'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

"Noooo, nothing I'd really call fresh. Freshish maybe."

'Sunnyside down.'

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

"You call this pigswill food?"

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

'Food critics cannot determine what are crime scenes.'

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

That elusive Pecorino!

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

The Full Mountie!

'A table near the food, please.'

"Hmmmm...What am I in the mood for?"

"Waiter. This steak tartare is undercooked!"

'Here we put the emphasis exclusively on the food!'

"No more cross buns for you!"

'William and I dug up this little place just last week!'

"It was ok, but could be improved by cooking!"

All you can eat. . . pizza.

A Respite Between Courses

Dining Alone

'A word about desk dining...'

Police Cordon Bleu