Guilt-ridden Gourmet Gifts

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I'm a monster."

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

The four major food groups.

'Sunnyside down.'

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

"My aged cheddar died!"

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'Just let it go, kid... You knew this line of work has its risks.'

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

"No more cross buns for you!"

'A table near the food, please.'

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."