Guilt-ridden Gourmet Gifts

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I'm a monster."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

The four major food groups.

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'Sunnyside down.'

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

"My aged cheddar died!"

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

'Don't give up hope - Anthony Bourdain is bound to show up sooner or later.'

'Just let it go, kid... You knew this line of work has its risks.'

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

Weight Loss Cheat.

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

I've decided to take your advice and try something other than tea. What changed your mind? It occurred to me that if I try something you suggested, I may find that I detest it. I may hate it with every fiber of my being. It may even make me feel sick. AND THEN I'LL GET TO BLAME YOU! Always happy to help. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-12).