Foodie With A Guilty Conscience Gifts

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

The ecumenical dinner party.

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

Shrimp cook

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"For the health-conscious, we suggest you chase your own zebra."

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

"Eating junk food may make you feel young at heart, but it isn't making your heart feel young."

GM Scarecrow

...Suddenly the anti-GM demo turned ugly.

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"Here's the deal. If it tastes good, don't eat it."

'Why missionary-themed!restaurants 'usually fail.'

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

"Am I still hungry or am I just eating this because it's still there?"

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

"I can assure you our eggs only come from free range chickens."

Chicken's in prison and about to be cooked

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"