Self-declared Foodie Gifts

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Domestic Goddess.

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Kitchen Kapers

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Benihana style of cooking.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Important Food Groups

The Streets - Night

Burnt or Raw?

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

"You grab the food—I'll grab the wine."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

Avocado Timeline

Will work for Food Network.

'Therapy?'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"More croutons, sir?"