Foodie With A Warning Gifts

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

Supermarket Aisles.

"All our ingredients are ethically sourced, so feel free to leave the sh*ttiest tip you can possibly imagine."

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

"I don't like sweetcorn".

'I don't think it's so much my inability to lose weight as it is my ability to find it.'

Burger Shack. I'm trying to go vegan, but I still sneak away for an occasional burger. You need a little "meat time"!

"The service here is terrible, but I don't mind. . . the food is terrible."

Man faced with a fridge full of food can't find the dinner left for him by his wife

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

Guy begging for money holding his hat out. Next to him an out of work chef holding his frying pan out begging for money.

'If it tastes good, spit it out!'

Man suffering terrrible cramps at dinner

"My heart says I should go with my head; my head says I should go with my gut."

"Nope, I'll have to pass on lunch today!"

'This is an emergency, get me meals on wheels...'

'The food in here does taste like home cooking - I'm not leaving a tip!'

'I'm sorry, sir. You've had enough.'

"Some kids are eating so much junk food and getting so fat they can hardly move."

'For small events, the sympathetic ear, for big ones, the sympathetic stomach!'