Concerned Foodie Gifts

"Some kids are eating so much junk food and getting so fat they can hardly move."

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

Ice Cream Surgeon

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You do like octopus?"

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

What the Doctor Ordered

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Fast food. Even faster food

La Table

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Pigeon Little

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'