Guilt-free Gourmet Gifts

The four major food groups.

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

If you're bothered by the guilt, I can put two scoops of real butter pecan ice cream in one of our Lo-Cal Fat-Free cups.

The day Kevin turned vegetarian.

Kitchen Kapers

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Chocs away.

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"One slice—hold the bread."

Gluten-free Santa

'No, that is not a balanced diet.'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

Meat Department

"Never mind the cost of living crisis, dear, you still need your 5-a-day."

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

"It's the gluten-free edition."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Posh restaurant - 'We'll have the sandwiches.'

"Tonight, I feel like eating something controversial."

"Everyone, stop looking delicious. The vegans are back and that tofurkey jerky won't keep them back much longer."