Guilt-free Gourmands Gifts

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Chocs away.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Environmental Conscience

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

The eye of newt - Is it gluten-free?

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

Meat Department

The four major food groups.

"All the adventure is gone since the bred out all the Trichinosis."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

"And now it's gluten free!"

'We're very on-the-hoof, of the moment kind of people - would it be possible to dine off Styrofoam?'

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

"Yep - peanut-free, Ebola-free, gluten-free. That'll be $74."

Weight Loss Cheat.

There's no reason to feel guilty - You're not the only vegetarian to get swine flu.

Newspaper headlines before and after Christmas.