Guilt-free Shopper Gifts

"Instead of ordering something every day, I ordered it all at one time. I feel less guilty that way."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Chocs away.

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Meat Department

The four major food groups.

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

"Sorry I'm late. Argos was a nightmare."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

"Shopping was stress-free this year because I started early and didn't give a s**t what I bought."

"If you don't give us your email address we show up at your house."

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

'SHOP!!!'

'Because we're seniors and can do whatever we want!!'

'I'll only have one pack of nicotene patches this week. My mate's supposed to be getting me some cheaper ones from abroad.'

"Only twelve more hours to go, what are you hoping to bag?!!"

Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.

"Will your spiritual journey take you anywhere near the shops?"

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

Weight Loss Cheat.

Newspaper headlines before and after Christmas.

"I like subtitles. I can watch the movie, skip the book, and not feel guilty."

'It says 'An honest product from an honest company... 100% artificial'.'

'Do you think these jeans make me look fat? Be honest!'

The day Kevin turned vegetarian.

'Let's start by determining the type of person you are. Are you upfront, or do you give off subtle signals?'

Buying expensive, impractical shoes may help to relieve depression.

"You know very well what subscription forms."

Directions.