Guilt-free Eater Gifts

Meat Department

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'What are you eating now?'

Chocs away.

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

Environmental Conscience

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

'Eat in moderation, Drink in moderation. Be merry whenever you want.'

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Always eat your broccoli."

"I'm here to warn you, do not eat both slices of cake – you're going to want one tomorrow."

"I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping."

The four major food groups.

Young child saying grace

"I switched hobbies from tropical fish to gardening. I won't feel so bad if I kill a plant."

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

'What I meditate on is we have rice and tea for lunch, and in the west they have burgers, fries and shakes.'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'You know that thin person inside of you screaming to get out? I'm afraid stomach acid got him.'

'Where is the 'it won't immediately kill you' aisle?'