Guilt-free Foodie Gifts

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Chocs away.

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

The boss is truly a courageous risk-taker. Only he tasted the salmon mousse at last year's company picnic.

Environmental Conscience

"And what would you like to regret later?"

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

The four major food groups.

'Would you like to eat in the restaurant or dine outside on our Wasp-atorium?'

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'After 25 years of research we've concluded that you should just eat, drink and be merry.'

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Recipes from the Revised Senior Citizen Cookbook

"First the good news, there's no longer any point in you eating broccoli."

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."