Guilt-free Gourmand Gifts

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Market. It contains eight ounces of guilt and only four ounces of pleasure.

Newspaper headlines before and after Christmas.

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Weight Loss Cheat.

"This is my shame spiral pepper spray."

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

"Beanirrito"

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Chocs away.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

The eye of newt - Is it gluten-free?

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

"Jeffrey eats everything, Mom, because no one has told him what he doesn't like."

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

'I couldn't put the book down... I had peanut butter and jelly on my hands!'

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

The four major food groups.

Meat Department

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"All the adventure is gone since the bred out all the Trichinosis."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

"And now it's gluten free!"

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

"Yep - peanut-free, Ebola-free, gluten-free. That'll be $74."

There's no reason to feel guilty - You're not the only vegetarian to get swine flu.