Guilt-free Gobbler Gifts

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Chocs away.

Environmental Conscience

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

Meat Department

The four major food groups.

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

'My bag had a hole in it so I ate all my candy.'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"I switched hobbies from tropical fish to gardening. I won't feel so bad if I kill a plant."

The Master chef had produced his masterpiece... a monster Danish pastry!

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

There's no reason to feel guilty - You're not the only vegetarian to get swine flu.

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

'I just feel so guilty if they don't get off the leash at least once a week.'

Weight Loss Cheat.

Newspaper headlines before and after Christmas.

"I like subtitles. I can watch the movie, skip the book, and not feel guilty."

The day Kevin turned vegetarian.

"You know very well what subscription forms."

'I'll meet your carbon output and lower you two units.'

"Instead of ordering something every day, I ordered it all at one time. I feel less guilty that way."

"Fascinating. The rats choose chocolate nine times out of ten, but they always feel guilty about it later."

If you're bothered by the guilt, I can put two scoops of real butter pecan ice cream in one of our Lo-Cal Fat-Free cups.

"This is my shame spiral pepper spray."