Spiteful Gourmet Gifts

I've decided to take your advice and try something other than tea. What changed your mind? It occurred to me that if I try something you suggested, I may find that I detest it. I may hate it with every fiber of my being. It may even make me feel sick. AND THEN I'LL GET TO BLAME YOU! Always happy to help. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-12).

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Beef Wellingtons

'Mine was stone cold.'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

"Harold, please -- the wine steward is entitled to his opinion, too."

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

'No, that is not a balanced diet.'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'Sunnyside down.'

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"Instead of string beans, can I get brains?"

"How was the food sir?"

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

Christmas canape?