Gourmet Gone Rogue T-Shirts

"This is how it works. If you burn the fish it's "blackened cajun delight". And if you can't be stuffed cooking it, it's called Sashimi!"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'That's funny... I could have sworn I saw the chef put him on the platter.'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

"Noooo, nothing I'd really call fresh. Freshish maybe."

'Sunnyside down.'

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

"You call this pigswill food?"

'Don't give up hope - Anthony Bourdain is bound to show up sooner or later.'

'Food critics cannot determine what are crime scenes.'

That elusive Pecorino!

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

'A table near the food, please.'

'Here we put the emphasis exclusively on the food!'

"No more cross buns for you!"

"Waiter. This steak tartare is undercooked!"

"Hmmmm...What am I in the mood for?"

'William and I dug up this little place just last week!'

The Full Mountie!

"It was ok, but could be improved by cooking!"

All you can eat. . . pizza.

Dining Alone

A Respite Between Courses

'A word about desk dining...'