Widowers Gifts

"This is my last visit, Martha. I got the marriage posthumously annulled."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'Beware of teething baby.'

Buggy with Snowplow.

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

'It's a chicken.'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

Pinata good bags.

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'