Widows Gifts

Tombstone: 'I went to heaven and all I got was this lousy tombstone.'

'I miss him most on pay days.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Butterfly Woman

Larry's used art

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Gender Equality

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Talk nerdy to me."

"We've made great progress!"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Demure lady with gloves

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

International Women's Day

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

Lady of the Cake.

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

Lesbian civil partnership.