Widows Gifts

Tombstone: 'I went to heaven and all I got was this lousy tombstone.'

'I miss him most on pay days.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Butterfly Woman

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Larry's used art

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Gender Equality

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Demure lady with gloves

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Talk nerdy to me."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"We've made great progress!"

International Women's Day

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

Lady of the Cake.

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

Lesbian civil partnership.