Wife Gifts

"I miss you too, honey. Now put the dog on."

"I told you we didn't need a tree."

"All right, have it your way - you heard a seal bark!"

"I can't remember - do I work at home or do I live at work?"

7 Dwarves of Menopause.

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

Scenes from a successful marriage.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

French horn.

Self-Help Books Families for Lockdown

"So this where the magic happens."

'Pull!'

"Aphids on the heliotrope!"

"I'm sorry darling, did I just say, 'I hate you with every micro-fiber of my being'?"

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

"I tried working at home, but my wife didn't like me performing colonoscopies in the dining room."

"Surprise! It's my birthday."

Bad Mom Cards - Collect The Whole Set!

"Like that?"

"I'm sorry dear - I've lost the little ball down the little hole again."

The Crossroads of Wisdom: Past Mistakes, Future Gambles and Listen to Your Wife.

'He's been keeping busy as usual, doing odd jobs around the house.'

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"How she's able to manage a career and still juggle her family, I'll never know."

"Now that the kids are grown and gone, I thought it might be a good time for us to have sex."

A Day In The Kitchen

Difference of Opinion

'Did your shooting improve today, Dear?'

"I've never forgiven him for that thing I made up in my head."

"I take it you didn't like my meatballs."

"I've decided to purge our material goods, starting with your crap."

"Mind if I put on the game?"

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."