Wife Pillows

"I miss you too, honey. Now put the dog on."

"I told you we didn't need a tree."

"All right, have it your way - you heard a seal bark!"

"I can't remember - do I work at home or do I live at work?"

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

Scenes from a successful marriage.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

French horn.

Self-Help Books Families for Lockdown

"So this where the magic happens."

'Pull!'

"Aphids on the heliotrope!"

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

"I'm sorry darling, did I just say, 'I hate you with every micro-fiber of my being'?"

"I tried working at home, but my wife didn't like me performing colonoscopies in the dining room."

"Surprise! It's my birthday."

Bad Mom Cards - Collect The Whole Set!

"Like that?"

"I'm sorry dear - I've lost the little ball down the little hole again."

The Crossroads of Wisdom: Past Mistakes, Future Gambles and Listen to Your Wife.

'He's been keeping busy as usual, doing odd jobs around the house.'

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"Now that the kids are grown and gone, I thought it might be a good time for us to have sex."

"How she's able to manage a career and still juggle her family, I'll never know."

A Day In The Kitchen

"I've never forgiven him for that thing I made up in my head."

"I've decided to purge our material goods, starting with your crap."

Difference of Opinion

"I take it you didn't like my meatballs."

'Did your shooting improve today, Dear?'

"Mind if I put on the game?"

"I happen to think the blue light of the TV screen is very romantic."

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."