Current Wife Pillows

'So, you're married to my ex-husband?'

Shepherd and eurydice

'I sent out for everything.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Come dine with me!

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Butterfly Woman

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Larry's used art

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

You're my Mona Lisa.

Gender Equality

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Police Feline Unit

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

International Women's Day

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Stephen and I are today's special."