Second Wife Pillows

'Great news, honey-bunny. My divorce finally came through, and I got the kids.'

"I know what you're facing. My Ted was previously owned, too."

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one divorced me and the second one won't.'

Shepherd and eurydice

'I sent out for everything.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Come dine with me!

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Butterfly Woman

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

Larry's used art

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

You're my Mona Lisa.

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Gender Equality

Police Feline Unit

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

LAY ZEE FUK

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.