Wives Pillows

'I got twenty dollars for your motorbike, is that good?'

'I know its natural and all but seriously...Get a Barn!'

'These weight loss pills really work! My pot belly is gone!!'

'I do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do.'

"Alright to tweak the central heating down a notch dear?"

"I wish my hemorrhoid would shrink."

'It's a wonder I got him to go on vacation at all!'

"I'm having a problem with the Ultra-Super Max Plumber's Helper you sold me yesterday."

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

'Yes, son, it's the thought that counts. But I've found it helps if it's an expensive thought.'

'My husband's first name? Just give me a hint.'

"My dishwasher is broken. My husband sprained his wrist."

'It reminds me of my ex-husband. He suffered from mood swings.'

"Should I phone my husband now or wait until he sees me on tv?"

'I hate to see you working so hard...close the door would you, dear!'

THE GOLDMANS HIRE A MEDIA CONSULTANT.

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

'That's no stray, walk your wife's dog in your own time, Simkins!'

'I got you the huge warehouse size detergent. I know it's heavy, but just wake me up and I'll pour it in the washer for you.' 'My man. So big, so strong, so helpful.'

'What's my husband like? -- Just imagine Tony Soprano without any money.'

'What do you mean you're going into labor, dear? It's only Saturday. Can't you wait 'til Monday?'

'But I could be wrong, Mrs. Fisk, He MAY die after all.'

Father to mother: 'Don't look now, but I think the baby just downloaded.'

Husband and Wife Teams

'I want a dozen long stemmed roses. I'm going to stick them right in his ear!'

"I wish you wouldn't take your enjoyment so hard, Ed."

Oprah calls it quits...

"He was twelve when we first met. Now, he;s twenty one... Stone, that is."

"He can't come to to the phone - he's sleeping the sleep of the just-can't-be-bothered."

"My wife's bra size? I don't know, about like this I guess."

"Just so it won't confuse you - the meal I've just called you for is in real time; the programme you're watching is a repeat."

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"What took so long? I didn't feel like singing Happy Birthday while washing my hands, so I took a shower."

"I asked Dad and he said it was married life after the honeymoon. Is that really what Purgatory means?"

"Focus, Gerald, focus!"