Housewife Pillows

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

Housewife with her toddler hooked on the end of the mop.

"I managed a house with four kids, three dogs, and twelve plants. How's that for management experience?"

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

'Next comes the cool part. Grab the clothes pegs. We're going online.'

'Stop picking up after your kids.'

'Of course the Smiths have more than we do. His wife works.'

'I was home schooled. It stands for 'Master of Bedmaking and Aerobic housecleaning'.'

"Are you sure the doctor said it takes 14 weeks for your leg to heal?"

Long suffering cricket wife

Chet Blows Another Sale.

'If I buy ten pints and a dozen eggs will you snog me?'

'Work, school, soccer, shopping, aside from the occassional girl's night out, today's Mom doesn't have time to sit picking ticks and fleas.'

Children.

War stains

'NOT INTERESTED? You opened the door, didn't you?'

Housewife

'That's my mom... she's sort of a CEO, an action committee, and a janitor all rolled up into one.'

'I wish you'd cook dinner!'

"You didn't iron the crease in my pants!! I'm gonna look ridiculous!!"

The household cavalry

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Gossiping neighbours.

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

Had to run the kids to soccer. There's a can of microwave slop on the counter.

"I'm not looking for a toy paperboy."

'I pursued the ol' M-R-S degree, with a concentration in all of his shortcomings.'

'That is very cute, dear, but it is not putting dinner on the table.'

'Dear, must you always bring your work home?'

'Milk and two sugars please...'

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

'Mom's not home. I gave her the day off.'

'Here's to the frozen food aisles at the supermarket!'

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'