Housewife Pillows

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

"I managed a house with four kids, three dogs, and twelve plants. How's that for management experience?"

Housewife with her toddler hooked on the end of the mop.

'Next comes the cool part. Grab the clothes pegs. We're going online.'

'Stop picking up after your kids.'

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

"Are you sure the doctor said it takes 14 weeks for your leg to heal?"

'Of course the Smiths have more than we do. His wife works.'

'I was home schooled. It stands for 'Master of Bedmaking and Aerobic housecleaning'.'

War stains

Children.

'Work, school, soccer, shopping, aside from the occassional girl's night out, today's Mom doesn't have time to sit picking ticks and fleas.'

Chet Blows Another Sale.

Long suffering cricket wife

'If I buy ten pints and a dozen eggs will you snog me?'

"You didn't iron the crease in my pants!! I'm gonna look ridiculous!!"

The household cavalry

'I wish you'd cook dinner!'

'That's my mom... she's sort of a CEO, an action committee, and a janitor all rolled up into one.'

'NOT INTERESTED? You opened the door, didn't you?'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Housewife

Gossiping neighbours.

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'I knew I should have married Peter Polyestertail!'

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

The Grime Reaper.

Had to run the kids to soccer. There's a can of microwave slop on the counter.

'Well, I'll tell you one thing. He's retaining more than water. He hasn't given me a dime since Christmas!'

Before settling into married life, Holly worked at Disney World for six years.

"I'm not looking for a toy paperboy."

'I pursued the ol' M-R-S degree, with a concentration in all of his shortcomings.'

'That is very cute, dear, but it is not putting dinner on the table.'

'Dear, must you always bring your work home?'

'Milk and two sugars please...'