Widower Gifts

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

"I need to wait until the euphoria wears off before I start dating again."

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

"She left you nothing. Sorry for your loss."

Marriage Heaven

"Sergio, Baldo and Gracie were devastated after Rosa died. It's hard when children lose their mother."

It not your relationship that's died, Mr Dickerson. It's your wife

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'Late husband.'

"I guess that's quantum entanglement."

'That contains my late husband's ashes - in the most fitting urn I could find!'

"If you're up there, Agnes, please find a way to send me the bank password!"

"When I moved here after your mother passed... The first thing I did was make this altar...so I could pray for her. But your father said, 'Just no photos.'"

"That completes the reading of her will. She also left an S.O.P. for how to live with you, should you ever remarry."

"Dad, your spending more on Mom's funeral than you spent on her during your entire marriage."

Angel despairs as she watches man write a poem.

"... and to my husband I leave f*** all!"

"Pushing up daisies is not a competition with the rest of the cemetery, Walter!"

"I Miss You."

'Yes, thay's my late husband. I'd know his laughter anywhere.'

'I keep my wife's ashes in it.'

'He said he was going shopping for my birthday present...A few house later a policeman came and told me that a dumpster lid fell on him...'

'It's the latest thing. I got him done at www.snuffed and stuffed.com!'

"I can feel the river come to life...but why aren't the bids singing?"

"Kids, the only reason I never talk about your mother is because I care about your feelings. Losing Rosa in that car wreck was awful...I wanted to protect you from those painful memories."

"And to Edward, who claimed he married me for my mind, I leave my brain."

'I'm worried, Patrick, that life might be passing you by.'

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

"She wasn't cremated. She went to Congress with ideals."

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

"Look, I promised you a place in the country, and as far as I’m concerned, I’ve held up my end of the bargain."

"No matter how I treated you, Julia, haunting a man at golf is hitting below the belt."

"He did it my way."

Shepherd and eurydice

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "