Whimsical Valentine Exchanges Gifts

Oh lovely, a Valentine Card: I wonder who it is from?

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Labrador Non-retriever

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

I don't need lobster and music and wine....

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Man proposes holding a balloon.

"Are bringing your new girlfriend to the office party?"

"It's a deal, I trade you two of your lunchroom duties if you take my field trip duty?"

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

"This new guy's really good!"

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

'For Valentine's Day!'

Pregnant

"Oh Johnny, I like you but not in that way. I'm a platonic solid."

"You ain't gitting on this train until I git off first."

"Will you call me?"

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

You had me at 'BLLLLUUUURRRPPPP!'

"Of course I'm Cupid...that's an old picture!"

I see you've been assigned to the platonic love detail this year..

'I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying if you're RIGHT, I'm a Dutch uncle.'

Snowman making a snowwoman

'Nothing, honey, except flare up unexpectedly and cause a lot of trouble. Sort of like your uncle.'

This ain't no cupboard love.

"Billy just gave me a Valentine. Should I accept it or consider it an overt demonstration of his toxic masculinity?"

A candy heart reading 'LOL' is struck with an arrow

"Will I go on a date with you?... Sure, why don't we make it Saturday, 18th May, 2086?"

'I've got to tell you, your 'Do Not Disturb' sign is unnessary.'

I hate Valentine's Day. Which part? The part where I'm the only guy in the restaurant whose date is a wolverine.

'A penny for your thoughts. Fifty bucks for your panties.'

'The party at school was awful! -- The teacher didn't like the Valentine underwear I got for her.'

'Colleen? It's Sam. '92? New Year's Eve party? I just found out I'm decaf. You might want to get checked.'

'Americans have gotten so fat, I had to switch my bow and arrows for a harpoon.'