Funny Valentine Gifts

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

A candy heart reading 'LOL' is struck with an arrow

Sexual chemistry set

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

I can't smile without you...

A dog with a heart shaped hole in his body

'Love is a Drug'.

'The Ref gave out 4 yellow cards, 2 reds and 7 Valentine cards.'

"Die alone"

'Two can't live as cheaply as one, but we will get double - occupancy rates when we travel'

'Well, you're not blind, but have you ever considered laser eye surgery?'

Valentine's Day

'For Valentine's Day!'

"It's inhabited and they appear to be friendly."

"I'm full of self loathing. This year I didn't even send myself a Valentine's Day card!"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

Valentines for Real Estate

"Red, roses are, blue, violets are, sweet, sugar is. messed up the poem, I did."

Cupid Shoots at Open Heart Surgery.

"They're free Valentine's Day gifts...chocolate flavored dental floss."

Especially for YOU! - Free Valentine hugs.

Oh lovely, a Valentine Card: I wonder who it is from?

"Oh Johnny, I like you but not in that way. I'm a platonic solid."

Love Mix Ups.

"Will you stop doing that please? Isn't it obvious to you that I just don't fancy him?!"

Dead cupid

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

"Of course I'm Cupid...that's an old picture!"

You had me at 'BLLLLUUUURRRPPPP!'

I love you even more than football.

I see you've been assigned to the platonic love detail this year..

Snake Lust.

Valentines

'Keep it simple, cupid!'