Anti-valentine Humorists Gifts

'Listen. I keep finding these in my yard. It needs to stop!'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

Consenting Adults.

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

Valentines Love Hearts - Covid 19 edition.

"'You're the reason I crossed the road'? Really?! Is that your best pick-up line?"

"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."

Increase Your Height.

"Die alone"

"I'm full of self loathing. This year I didn't even send myself a Valentine's Day card!"

'Sometimes I feel like people send me Valentine's Day cards just to TICK ME OFF!!'

"Red, roses are, blue, violets are, sweet, sugar is. messed up the poem, I did."

"They're free Valentine's Day gifts...chocolate flavored dental floss."

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

"Apparently our hotel is just a stone's throw from the beach..!"

"Oh Johnny, I like you but not in that way. I'm a platonic solid."

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Dead cupid

Renown heart surgeon, doctor Linda Padgett, performing her famous "The-best-way-to-aman's-heart-is-through-his-stomach" technique.

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

"Of course I'm Cupid...that's an old picture!"

'Yes, this is romantic, but that's not why I chose this. Gas prices are up, and i can't afford dinner, movie and gas for my car.'

'Aaaah... poop on them!'

'I do love you, but anything you say, ever, will be remembered and may be used in evidence against you.'

'Our is NOT a May-December relationship- I'm more like late October, early Novermer.'

You haven't said a word all evening, Lance. What happened to your promise that we would spend more quality time together. Quality time, Gloria? I thought you said "quantity time."

"Freddie really loves me. He didn't just put a ring on my finger. He also banded my leg."

"Tarnation, Sagebrush! Who keeps sending me these stupid, mushy Valentines, anyhow?"

I see you've been assigned to the platonic love detail this year..

'Of course it's a real diamond. You think I'd spend eighty bucks for a fake?'

'Next year could I just have the chocolate?'