Valentine's Satirist Gifts

"They're free Valentine's Day gifts...chocolate flavored dental floss."

They're Not Just That Into It

Sock Puppet in Literature

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Secondhand smoke.'

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

Valentines Love Hearts - Covid 19 edition.

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"It's not what you think."

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"We're going to need more words for flip-flops."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

'Sometimes I feel like people send me Valentine's Day cards just to TICK ME OFF!!'

"You're wonderful, Kimberly, and I want to be married, but I'm looking for a complete unknown."

'The gravy? Was that 'boat' or 'train', sir?'

Market. Sale. Bottled Water. Improved! Now 25% Wetter!

"Curious and curiouser."

"I'm full of self loathing. This year I didn't even send myself a Valentine's Day card!"

"Red, roses are, blue, violets are, sweet, sugar is. messed up the poem, I did."

'So where's the love?' 'Your love means nothing to me.'

'Even our arguments are losing quality - We used to have lover's tif's - Now we have lover's jpegs!'

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

Woman uses birds to help her believe she has lost weight.

"Oh Johnny, I like you but not in that way. I'm a platonic solid."

'Someday, all this will be done with prescription drugs.'

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'Ever considered playing EASY to get?'

A street of old man bars.

Snowman Liposuction.

"Let's call it a day before we get frostbite."