Valentine's Satirist Gifts

"They're free Valentine's Day gifts...chocolate flavored dental floss."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Secondhand smoke.'

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"It's not what you think."

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"We're going to need more words for flip-flops."

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"I'm full of self loathing. This year I didn't even send myself a Valentine's Day card!"

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"You're wonderful, Kimberly, and I want to be married, but I'm looking for a complete unknown."

'The gravy? Was that 'boat' or 'train', sir?'

"Curious and curiouser."

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

"Red, roses are, blue, violets are, sweet, sugar is. messed up the poem, I did."

'Even our arguments are losing quality - We used to have lover's tif's - Now we have lover's jpegs!'

Woman uses birds to help her believe she has lost weight.

"Oh Johnny, I like you but not in that way. I'm a platonic solid."

'Someday, all this will be done with prescription drugs.'

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'Ever considered playing EASY to get?'

Snowman Liposuction.

'Sometimes I have a feeling you are just using me, Jason.'

"Oh, yes, Paul—whisper sweet sponsored content in my ear."