Valentine's Humorist Gifts

"Red, roses are, blue, violets are, sweet, sugar is. messed up the poem, I did."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

Tunnel of Like.

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

'I love you, Howard, but let's not jump to conclusions.'

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Or...we could suggest a three-way."

Homophone Encounter

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'For the last time, Butchie, I love you but I'm not in love with you.'

Dating in 2020

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"Milton Woolburg, founder of traditions, legends, and general flimlam."

'Have a drink while I slip into something comfortable.'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone