Valentine's Humorist Pillows

"Red, roses are, blue, violets are, sweet, sugar is. messed up the poem, I did."

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

Tunnel of Like.

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'I love you, Howard, but let's not jump to conclusions.'

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

Homophone Encounter

The stone is semi-precious, so I got you two.

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Or...we could suggest a three-way."

'For the last time, Butchie, I love you but I'm not in love with you.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

Dating in 2020

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'