Anti-valentine Humorists Pillows

'Listen. I keep finding these in my yard. It needs to stop!'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

Consenting Adults.

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."

"'You're the reason I crossed the road'? Really?! Is that your best pick-up line?"

"Die alone"

Increase Your Height.

"I'm full of self loathing. This year I didn't even send myself a Valentine's Day card!"

"Red, roses are, blue, violets are, sweet, sugar is. messed up the poem, I did."

"They're free Valentine's Day gifts...chocolate flavored dental floss."

"Apparently our hotel is just a stone's throw from the beach..!"

"Oh Johnny, I like you but not in that way. I'm a platonic solid."

Dead cupid

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

'Yes, this is romantic, but that's not why I chose this. Gas prices are up, and i can't afford dinner, movie and gas for my car.'

"Of course I'm Cupid...that's an old picture!"

'Aaaah... poop on them!'

'Our is NOT a May-December relationship- I'm more like late October, early Novermer.'

'I do love you, but anything you say, ever, will be remembered and may be used in evidence against you.'

"Freddie really loves me. He didn't just put a ring on my finger. He also banded my leg."

"Tarnation, Sagebrush! Who keeps sending me these stupid, mushy Valentines, anyhow?"

'Of course it's a real diamond. You think I'd spend eighty bucks for a fake?'

'Next year could I just have the chocolate?'

'Not bad, honey. Cloud eight.'