Valentine Skeptic Pillows

'Aaaah... poop on them!'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

My Dream Valentine

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

Cupid misses his shot.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'I got you 10 roses. I believe strong relationships are based on the metric system.'

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

Cupid's Valentine

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

Yes, but.

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."