Valentine Humorist Gifts

Ernie's Gifts Valentine's Day Sale. Ernie, I can't believe the things you're selling! The stuffed animals are made of highly flammable materials! That's why my catalog calls them "A gift for those wanting to ignite their romance"! The necklaces you bought in the alley are stolen! They're described as "This year's hottest item"! Your roses are nothing but deadly thorn-covered stems! Right here is says "The sharpest gift she'll ever receive"! And these chocolates are infested with ants! T

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

Phoenix

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

Barman In Love.

Tunnel of Like.

'I love you, Howard, but let's not jump to conclusions.'

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'For the last time, Butchie, I love you but I'm not in love with you.'

"Or...we could suggest a three-way."

Caterpillars in love

Dating in 2020

Homophone Encounter

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

The stone is semi-precious, so I got you two.

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'