Valentine's Day Humor Lover Gifts

"Of course I'm Cupid...that's an old picture!"

I hate Valentine's Day. Which part? The part where I'm the only guy in the restaurant whose date is a wolverine.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"Honk if you love me!"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

“It’s the only way we can get him to kiss her.”

His and Hers Wedding

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

'If you really loved me, you'd stay downwind.'

Frog Prince holds sign: 'Will work for kisses'.

Safe driver.

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"Fancy crashing at my pad later, babe?"

"Must you sing, 'I'm in the mood for love' everytime you want sex?"

"She said don't forget the straw."

"Let's not get too hot for each other. I want us to last."

"My glass is half empty"

"I love you, even though you still use a flip phone."

'The Ref gave out 4 yellow cards, 2 reds and 7 Valentine cards.'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

'Listen I think we should break up...it's not you... it's that thing on your face.'

Your lips still say "No," but you started out with six exclamation points above your head and now you're down to one. !

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

"I'm full of self loathing. This year I didn't even send myself a Valentine's Day card!"

"This new guy's really good!"

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

Rodin & condom.

"That was good, but less tongue next time."

"Honey, guess what? My therapist finally got me to cry!"

"Red, roses are, blue, violets are, sweet, sugar is. messed up the poem, I did."

'It would be a dream home if you were to move in with me.'