Witty Exchange Lovers Gifts

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Mom can I have another apple?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Cold caller.

Heart To Heart

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

Did you actually pass the bar? Usually, I go in at lunch for a beer, but yes, today I passed it. Care to join me when I do go in later?

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

Liquor Store: Lean to Open.

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

Cylinder Head

"You've put on weight."

Oh lovely, a Valentine Card: I wonder who it is from?

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'And now the other leg!'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

"I felt the Earth Move!"