Fan Of Witty Exchanges Gifts

"You're a plumber, I'm a doctor. Now that I've given you some free medical advice, how about stepping into my kitchen and fixing my leaky faucet?"

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"Touché"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it.

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

The Gilmore Girls

A lesson in wit

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Cold caller.

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Know-it-alls

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

"Any chance of some credit?"

If I may paraphrase an old saying, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to urinate like racehorses." ! !