Witty Banter Lover Gifts

'I don't know what you're complaining about. I should charge you for breathing my second hand smoke. This happens to be a very expensive Cuban cigar!'

How glamorous, I've never met a pilot

'Buy me a drink, Mister?', 'Sorry, Miss, but I'm a married man. You know -- broke.'

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

Boy found drinking by a policeman

Blonde girlfriend "I quite like your beard. You're only half as ugly now"

I'm told Cuthbert's been building himself quite a legal team over the holiday'

'I'm considered the 'go-to' guy... Mostly go-to hell.'

Cold caller.

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

The Great and the Good.

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

I didn't know you worked here - I thought you just dropped in to see your friends.

'I'm not speeking metaphorically, my chewing gum has lost its flavour.'

If you had an ass I'd kick it.

'I was a private guest at the Royal Wedding last weekend!'

"Why do women close their eyes during sex?"

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"I know we've been great neighbors for years, Phil, but I'm building a wall to keep you off my lawn and making you pay for it. I know it's crazy but if I say it enough times, I might be president."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

Cylinder Head

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"When I die, I'm going to leave my brain to medical science..."

Two ladies discussing the tall gentleman approaching

The Gilmore Girls

Really? That's your best shot? Calling me judgmental? Guilty as charged, Perry Mason.

I need advice and if you ever tall anyone I asked, you're dead. Go ahead. People aren't taking me seriously. When I insult them, they don't seem that bothered. They don't cry or run away like they used to. C'mon, you're plenty offensive. Don't patronize me you @#$% meathead. Wow. Didn't bother me a bit.

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, How old are you? - Mohammed. 86. Huh? You're not going on a rant about the offensive nature of the question, or telling some mindless story about something that happened forever ago with some fetching politician? Implicit. Not fair. We're feeling deprived of venom!

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

So, did you see your shadow when you woke up this morning, Axel. I don

Reception. Nurse. I think I need new batteries for my biological clock.

I'll tell you what, your honor: I'll agree to stop badgering the witness if she'll agree to stop undressing me with her eyes. ?

That remark you made to the waiter about the fly in your soup was hilarious! Thanks, but actually, the fly wrote that joke.

'I think you could learn to be a little more assertive. What do you think?'