Witty Exchange Lovers T-Shirts

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Mom can I have another apple?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Cold caller.

The Gilmore Girls

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Heart To Heart

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

"You've put on weight."

Liquor Store: Lean to Open.

Oh lovely, a Valentine Card: I wonder who it is from?

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

Cylinder Head

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

"Okay, so I faked it...you happy now?"

'And now the other leg!'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'