Witty Exchanges Admirer T-Shirts

"You've put on weight."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Touché"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, and one more thing

"I love this time of year."

Cold caller.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

Heart To Heart

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

"You have to admire their ingenuity at least -- They're burying their apple cores."

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

Cylinder Head

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"The entire time you were talking to Marissa you had a piece of spinach between your teeth."