Witty Exchanges Admirer Pillows

"You've put on weight."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Touché"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"I love this time of year."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Oh, and one more thing

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

Cold caller.

Heart To Heart

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

Did you actually pass the bar? Usually, I go in at lunch for a beer, but yes, today I passed it. Care to join me when I do go in later?

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

David Letterman

"You have to admire their ingenuity at least -- They're burying their apple cores."

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

Cylinder Head

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."